We're facebook friends in real life
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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