I heard we made out
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
