UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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