If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
