I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
