btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
