Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
