OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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