Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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