After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
