He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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