Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
