meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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