i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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