you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Randomize