two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
