the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
