If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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