hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
