In the future we'll all be gay
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize