he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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