I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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