Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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