he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
