Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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