There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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