Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
