Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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