white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
