No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
