He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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