Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
