I will die if light touches me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she told me i tasted like america
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
