There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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