You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
