i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
