some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
