just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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