Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
