Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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