Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
