Sponge bath it is.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
