It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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