I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
