Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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