Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
