the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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