Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
