Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
