She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
