I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize