its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
