the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
