I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
