2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
