I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
