Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Screwed.edu
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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