Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
