they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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