He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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