WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
