Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Alive.
So much puke
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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