Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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