Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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