4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
