I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he thought i was a dude.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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