and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
