so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
