who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
