I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize