No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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