why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
