so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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