would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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