i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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