I haven't been this sober since birth.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
