I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
