1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i wish my penis had a tongue
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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