hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
