its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
