you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize