Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
