dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
