woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
wow bdsm is so cute
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