If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
